Personal posts

My (un)explained absence, and going for it!

So I wanted to talk a little more about the internship which I did earlier this year (which caused my blog silence to begin with). It all started off with me undertaking a recruitment process for a six months paid internship with a digital media agency. It was without a doubt one of the most challenging, exhausting and exciting experiences of my life. Instead of the traditional method of job application – you fill in a form, wait to hear back (hopefully) for an interview and then either get the job or not, the process was something called ‘Un recruitment’. Run by Enternships in partnership with The Spring Project, it aimed to subvert the normal generic sense of rejection unsuccessful candidates feel, and provide everyone with some skills and knowledge no matter if they got a job or not. You can read more about it in the blog I wrote for Enternships here

If you don’t have time to read that right now, the amazing outcome of the process was that I got the job! It was the first time I had got a ‘proper’ job that wasn’t just promotions work, cleaning or temporary census work. I became a fully paid member of the 9-5(30!), office working, London commuting club. It was exciting, enriching, and incredibly exhausting. Originally I was supposed to stay for six months, and then return to uni in November to complete my degree. All of the others who had gone through the unrecruitment process had been graduates, with degrees under their belts and the ability to go on to a full time position within the companies they were interning for at the end of the six months. This made it all the more amazing that I got picked and taken on, knowing that I still hadn’t finished my degree and despite the fact I would have to leave at the end of October no matter what. The Spring Project took a chance on me, and I was incredibly grateful to them for that, as well as getting a little boost in confidence! However, after being there for a little while, I knew something wasn’t quite right. At first, I simply put it down as a shock to the system having a full time job for the first time, and all the commuting I was doing, but the exhaustion and unhappiness only seemed to get worse. Eventually, I made the decision to end my internship early, as I was feeling burnt out and wasn’t even doing any writing. Writing is who I am, it’s like breathing for me, so that was really the big indicator that I needed to make a change somewhere. Everyone was completely understanding, and I left on good terms, feeling like a weight was coming off my shoulders (the cliche rings true).

This whole experience has taught me some important things though; first of all, facing my fears and going for something I want, even though I might not get it. I was SO apprehensive about applying for the internship, never mind following through and going to the unrecruitment days. However by persevering I managed to get myself a job, which boosted my self confidence enormously. On the flip side, the other thing which I have learnt is to know when you need to make a change, admit you can’t do something or aren’t coping, and rethink your direction. I am sure that if I had kept on with the internship, I would be feeling pretty unwell by now, both physically and emotionally. Instead I have had time to really think about where I am, and where I want to be, to write, to work through my worries and fears and emotions surrounding my Mum’s death, and to continue healing. Above everything else, that is the most important thing for me right now. Realising that I was trying to fly before I could even walk let me reassess my situation, and take a much needed break which wasn’t just focused on avoiding lectures and watching endless YouTube videos, but about relaxing, thinking and recharging. Now I am raring to get back to uni and to face the world once again, whereas I think if I had continued with the internship I would just be feeling a bit trapped. For me, it was the right decision to leave, but for others it may have been better to see it through. That is the important thing; everyone is different, so it is good to take some time to work out what the best thing to do is FOR YOU. Nobody else will make exactly the same decisions as you, nor should they.


I dare you to find the thing that’s best for you, be it looking for a new job, moving to a new city, breaking up or telling that guy/girl you like them. Then go do it! Life’s too short to just wait around for things to happen to you, so take some action.

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