I have been thinking a lot recently about things, as I begin my final year at university, I look back to my first year, and have been astonished at how much I have changed, and grown. It’s all too easy to just repeat the same things over and over, either expecting different results, or just giving in to the current state of things, even though deep down you wish you could change and do something about it. People are creatures of habit, and we are all but hard wired to just stay the same, and even fear change to an extent. The thing which sets us apart though, is the ability to make a conscious choice to do something about how we are behaving, or the situations we keep getting ourselves into.
When I came back to London two months ago, I was afraid that this year would turn out like all the others, with a series of bad decisions, being overly emotional and generally feeling like I didn’t quite belong. However that all changed when I met the people who are now my collective flatmates (the girls live downstairs, but it’s one big group really). I already knew one of the girls pretty well, but the others were all so welcoming and friendly, and I genuinely felt part of the group. Of course in large part this was down to the people I was choosing to be around all being lovely human beings, but a larger factor was the fact that over the summer I truly changed, and toughened up and looked right into myself and didn’t like everything I saw there, so I began to do something to change that, and be the person I want to be. As well as acknowledging my past mistakes, and why and how I made them, I realised that sometimes it is just as important, if not more so, to just let go of past you, and move forward. The fear of what you have done can very easily become a pattern for the future, trapping you in the same mindset and causing you to repeat the same things over and over.
Last week on Friday, the one year anniversary of my Mums’ death, I took several small pieces of paper, wrote down all the things from the past which have been holding me back, and burnt them into ash. It was symbolic and it was therapeutic, and it made me realise that sometimes having a tangible thing to represent emotions can really help you to deal with them. I can’t say that all of my worried completely disappeared overnight, but I feel somehow lighter, and stronger, and less affected by them. It’s funny how a little piece of paper can make you see the strength which you hold, and have actually held all along. I can’t say that I thought of the idea to do this all on my own though, it actually came from this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cON3qGI6NTI which is by one of my absolute favourite YouTubers and singers at the moment, Carrie Hope Fletcher. I really recommend listening to some of her songs, and also watching her other videos as they’re all brilliant!
So today, or some time this week, make a point to write down all of the things which have been troubling, worrying, or upsetting you, and destroying them. You don’t have to set them on fire (be careful if you do!) you could just rip them up, or throw them into the sea, or put them in a blank envelope and post them through a letter box. Just get them out of your brain, and try to let them disappear with the paper.