I have been working on the next post in the grad diaries series, and was almost ready to publish it for all of you guys when I received an email this afternoon. It was a letter which I had written on a website called futureme a year ago, and scheduled to send today, exactly a year later. Instead of saying any more, I am just going to copy and paste the letter here. Also I really recommend that you give it a go, it was exactly what I needed to hear right now, and made me tear up in a coffee shop (for good reasons) anyway, here is the letter:
at the time of writing this, you’ve had a pretty tough year. What with your Mum dying and breaking up with more than one boyfriend, things have been a little all over the place. You got mad, then you got upset, then you got pretty depressed. You spent a lot of time trying to figure things out, and trying out different ways of coping. There was the partying, then there was the complete denial of the real world and cocooning yourself in your room. Then came the guys, all of them over the past nine months used as ways to try and feel something again, and feel something good. They all ended in tears, of course they did, but never forget that each experience is a lesson, and each heartbreak helped to make you stronger.
Now you’ve got to a point where you’re not ready to take any more bullshit from anyone, including yourself, and that’s great. Go out and stand up for yourself and fight for your dreams. You’re really only just starting out in the world still, I promise you that things are only going to get better from here. I hope that you are doing great things with the blog, and I hope that you’ve finished uni. I know you will, you’ve got so much drive right now, and you CAN do it. Just make sure you’ve put your all into your writing; it’s what you love the most, and it’s what you are good at. You can thank yourself for reminding you of that in case of a crisis of confidence.
Hopefully by now you’ve found an internship somewhere good, and have started to settle into adult life a bit better. I know it’s tough, and I know you’re scared, but that’s all you have from now on, you can’t go backwards. Well, you can move forwards whilst facing backwards, but that only results in bumping into things or getting lost, so just turn around.
You were on the verge of breaking up with a boy, and as horrible as it sounds I hope you went through with it. He is a wonderful, lovely amazing guy, but right now he’s not what you need. No guy is. You need to keep working on yourself, and pushing forward until you are really, truly, honest to god at a place where you are in control of your life, and really love yourself first.
I know that you’ve been through a lot, but baby so has everyone, and the past isn’t an excuse to keep on making bad decisions. Believe in yourself, because you are worth it. You have talent, and you are going to go places, as long as you apply yourself and put in the work. If you haven’t in a while, go to your iTunes, or YouTube, and listen to ‘Roar’ and ‘Firework’ by Katy Perry. Then watch any of Carrie Hope Fletcher’s videos, and feel inspired for the day (or evening) ahead. Smile, and enjoy being you, and being alive.
Time seems to go so slowly but so quickly at the same time, and it will only be the blink of an eye before this letter gets to you, so remember to pause sometimes, and enjoy the moment. You’ve spent too long fearing the future, and uncertainty and death. Just relax and be in the present, it suits you a lot better.
I hope you are happy, and I hope that you still have good friends around you. Jack D is only a new friend right now, but hang onto him, he’s a good one. Don’t forget about Bristol people. As much as you’re trying to move on, cutting yourself away from the city completely won’t make you feel any better, or bring Mum back, it will just make you miss your friends there. Even if it’s infrequently, take the time to visit when you can, and keep in touch with people.
The most important thing I can say to you is that right now you feel like you are starting to be ready to take on the world, and you shouldn’t ever let that change. More sad and bad things have happened I’m sure, and more will happen in the future, but as a mad man with a box once said, every life is a collection of good and bad things. And whilst the good won’t always soften the bad, the bad shouldn’t ruin the good. Have fun, smile, sing along to songs and dance around your room.
I am so, so proud of you, for everything you have been through, for all that you have achieved, and for how far you still have to go. You are beautiful, and you are clever and can do whatever you set your mind to. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and remember that. And when things get rough, just get some chocolate, get into your jogging bottoms and watch lots of girly tv and films online (and/or Doctor Who)
Mum would be so proud of you too.
All my love
P.S. You better be cleaning your teeth every day! I don’t want to have dentures by the time I’m 25 thank you very much.”