Career Stuff

I’m A Big Headed B***h and Proud (or how we are taught not to be confident)

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the things that are holding me back from achieving my dreams and reaching my full potential. Almost all of them come back to one thing; a lack of self belief, or rather, a lack of confidence in expressing self belief. Internally I know (most of the time) that I’m a pretty capable person. I’ve got a lot of skills and strengths, and I would be an asset to any company I chose to join. The problem comes when trying to translate that out of my head and into the world; be it on paper, at an interview, or simply among my peers. When it comes time to describe my achievements, best qualities, or why I would be good at a job, I freeze up. This little voice in my head turns up and starts whispering ‘you’re not good enough’. As much as I want to land the job, impress the professionals, and make friends, my lack of confidence holds me back time and time again. I know I’m not alone in this, from speaking to friends I have come across this issue SO many times. Whenever a close friend is having the same crisis, I remind them of their achievements, big up their talents, and tell them I know they are capable of doing the thing. If I can do it for my friends, and see the best in them, why can’t I do the same for myself?

It’s even worse when talking about my appearance. I’ve had it drilled into me that the prettiest girls are the ones who don’t realise how pretty they are, that thinking you’re ugly is somehow endearing. Apparently men are afraid of, or turned off by, women who think themselves good looking. If you want to attract a man you have to be down on yourself, feeling like you are not attractive so that he can swoop in and make you feel so, so special by telling you how hot you are. It’s taken me a LONG time to open my eyes to this, but I can now say that frankly, it is utter bulls**t. If a guy only wants me when I feel insecure and not good enough, then he doesn’t deserve me. What sort of a person wants someone they care about to feel rubbish and inferior? That’s not how you treat people you care about, that is bullying. I was once told by a guy that I ‘have a great ass, but I know it, which makes it less hot’. Well, excuse me for being aware of one of my favourite physical traits about myself! That was the moment I knew I didn’t want anything to do with him any more. (Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this sort of self-confidence crisis is reserved solely for females. I know a lot of guys who feel just as down on themselves. It is something which can affect anyone and everyone, and it can ruin your life.)

So I’m saying enough is enough. I am pretty, and hot, and I have an amazing ass! Of course there will be days when I feel like my hair looks rubbish, or my skin is dull, or none of my clothes look right. But I am entitled to days where I say, you know what? I look awesome today. Appearance shouldn’t be everything, but I find that if you feel truly happy in your own skin, confidence in the rest comes too. In the past few months, I have been slowly figuring out my strengths and talents. Going from thinking everything I did was rubbish, to speaking in front of hundreds of people, I am finally starting to believe that I am good at stuff. More than that, I am standing up and making a noise about it! To get anywhere in life you need to use your strengths and skills, and work with your weaknesses, to enable yourself to truly shine. I want to tell every one of my friends one thing I believe them to be genuinely good at, but also one thing I am good at myself. If we start talking and thinking about ourselves the way we do our friends, we will all start to feel a lot happier, and go a lot further.

I am good at writing.

I have nice hair.

I am good at public speaking.

I have a great figure.

I am good at being there for my friends.

And I am proud of myself!

What are you proud of yourself for? What is your best physical feature? Remind yourself of them often, and don’t be afraid to project them to the world!

8 thoughts on “I’m A Big Headed B***h and Proud (or how we are taught not to be confident)”

  1. Good writing. I think when we feel like you described (and we all do!) the best thing is to talk to your girlfriends because then you realise everyone goes through this. Also, read Cheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook) book Lean In. It’s very anecdotal and i had many eureka moments while reading it. It’s great to be reminded that even the most successful women in the world went through the same self-doubt as we do 😀

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    1. Thanks for your comment 😀
      I agree, talking with friends definitely helps, not just girls though! I have some great guy friends who I can turn to for supportive and positive chats =) I’ve got Lean In on my reading list, but I also like ladies such as Lena Dunham, Mindy Kaling, and Amy Poehler!
      Hope you’re having a great day
      Jenny

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  2. Love Lena. For a long time i thought feminism was reserved for women who have had it tough. She thought me that we can all be feminists – no matter what race or social class… or gender, for that matter. Woo male feminists 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, but there are also a LOT who have said to my face some variation of ‘you’re pretty but you know it, and that’s not very attractive’ there are articles about ’10 things about dating a shy girl’ – 1 she’s beautiful and doesn’t even realise. All through fiction; films, books, TV, we’re shown insecure women who don’t think their good enough until a guy validates them. I know that there are also awesome, supportive, appreciative, wonderful guys (and girls, and just humans) out there. I am happily going out with one ❤ It's just so difficult when you've grown up feeling like you're not allowed to think you're pretty, to change that little voice in your head…

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