Personal posts, Productivity & Motivation, Well Being & Mental Health

I Deserve Better – Apologies & Updates

So it’s been about 4 months since I last blogged(!) I know. I’m sorry. I suck. I’ve got a long list of reasons as to why I haven’t posted, and they’re all stupid, and don’t change the fact I know that not writing has only added to the issues and problems I’ve been having. Maybe one day I’ll learn. As always, a lot has happened since my last blog. That’s sort of the understatement of my year so far actually…

Shortly after writing my last post I started doing some actual, real freelance work for the amazing social enterprise that I’ve been volunteering with for almost two years. It meant I had to travel a lot, going to the office on the other side of the country for content strategy meetings, and travelling back to London for events and things. I was starting to make tracks in my career, and I was getting my confidence back.

Then one day early in July I got a phone call that basically blew the little life I’d been planning into tiny pieces. My boyfriend of a year and a half, who I was just about to rent a flat with up North, had cheated on me. In that moment I could have crumbled (I could have laid down and died*) but I didn’t.

*I’m witty af

For the first time in my life, I knew that I deserved better.

I knew I wasn’t going to go back to the north, at least not for him, ever again. I’ve spent years trying to get myself out of the thought patterns that trap me: I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m always gonna get messed around. There’s something wrong with me.

Now finally I’ve come to the realisation that actually, there’s nothing wrong with me. I was just doing something wrong. By thinking that I was always going to be treated badly, I was accepting this on some level. Which meant I allowed myself to get into situations where it happened again and again. So now I’m finally standing up and saying no more.

I’m tired of allowing other people to dictate my life and my path, and I’m done with putting my own ambitions to the side in favour of that.

It’s not all been bad news though. At the same time as that went down, I also got offered a proper real full-time job at charity! I’ve been working there for 3 months now as content and marketing executive. It’s been a great few months getting stuck in and learning the ropes, and I feel so honoured and privileged to be in this position. It goes to show that a lot of perseverance and not giving up can pay off eventually!

I’ve been staying in a little town called Corby, where our office is based, since I left Preston. It’s been a bit of an adjustment – being taken in to a family home for the first time in my life has been lovely and I am SO grateful for the spare room which has temporarily become mine. However it’s got to a point now where I know I need my space back. I’ve been independent pretty much since I was 15 so it’s been a shock to the system. The fact I have been pretty much adopted into the family is lovely, and that won’t go away when I move out (more on that next time!) but now I have to get back to being myself again.

So now, three months after everything in my life shifted completely again (I feel like my life has more plot twists than an M Night Shyamalan movie!) I actually feel kind of settled. It’s a strange, new, and still forming sensation, but it’s like things are slightly coming together *crosses fingers not to jinx it*

What have you been up to recently? Tell me 3 good things that have happened recently and let’s focus on the positive together!

Mine:

  1. I had a lush weekend in Brighton and Beachy Head with friends ❤
  2. I had a really productive day of work today (well yesterday as I’m writing this on Tuesday evening and scheduling it for Wednesday)
  3. Starbucks are now doing green tea lattes – I tried one and it’s amazing!
  4. [BONUS!] I got this gorgeous dress from Collectif20161001_222524.jpg

5 thoughts on “I Deserve Better – Apologies & Updates”

  1. SO happy for you getting that awesome job! So sorry to hear about your ex – what a dick!
    Three (positive) things going on with me:
    1. Potential awesome meeting with somebody next week for potential work
    2. Finally feeling a lot better thanks to Sertraline
    3. Started running again!
    Not very big things but still! Gotta focus on the good as you say! 🙂

    Like

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